


Barack Obama's Wild Ride

by yellowfang42



Category: Political RPF, Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Crack, Crack Crossover, Gen, Magic, Memes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23833378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowfang42/pseuds/yellowfang42
Summary: "Mr Obama, there's something we need you for," said Agent Johnson. Specifically Jimmy Johnson, but he preferred Agent Johnson when on the job. Barack sighed. Even after leaving office, there were some things he couldn't yet leave behind."Fine, but one of these days you'll have to find someone else to handle these things," said Barack. Agent Johnson nodded. Barack ventured to his and Michelle's shared room and pulled the knapsack from the closet. Michelle walked in and folded her arms."Barack… they cant keep sending you to do this. Even if you're healthy, eventually it's going to wear you out," said Michelle. Barack kissed her on the cheek."I know sweetheart, but this shouldn't take long. I made the brownies for Sasha like you asked, and both Bo and Sunny have been walked," said Barack. He started toward the front door. Michelle pulled him back to kiss him. She didn't follow him to watch him go. Barack knew how much she hated watching him leave like that. Especially for these missions. Barack followed Agent Johnson into the van and buckled in."Control, we're on our way," said Agent Johnson to his cell. He covered the microphone. "You should suit up sir."
Relationships: Barack Obama & Neil deGrasse Tyson, Barack Obama/Michelle Obama, Fiona/Shrek (Shrek)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Barack Obama's Wild Ride

**Author's Note:**

> I somewhat apologize for this shitpost of a fic. I was inspired by all the Obama dream quotes and decided to run with it and add shitty memes and other stuff. Meant to be mostly silly and fun.
> 
> Enjoy you poor souls.
> 
> Also I'm not sure whether I'll finish this but I wanted to post it anyway.

Barack Obama didn't think Donald Trump would get elected, but that's what happened that fateful November night. Pennsylvania, long known as a blue state had flipped red that night. To be fair, the mess with the DNC primaries and the Clintons didn't help. Barack sat at his desk twirling the pen between his fingers. He needed to write some kind of well-wishing letter, even if he wasn't fond of the man. Bush had written Barack a very kindly and supportive letter, which he still had in his desk and planned to take with him once he moved out with Michelle and his daughters. Bo padded over to sit by him. Ever since the family got the pup, Bo was a friendly face among the messes that people were in politics. He gave Bo a few pets. The dog opened his mouth to make a grin of a sort. Sunny had to be around somewhere too, probably curled up next to Michelle while she read. 

Barack returned his focus to the blank sheet in front of him. At least he could finally rest and help Malia and Sasha without getting interrupted, and he could spend time with Michelle without a meeting taking away some time to be close. He hoped Trump would value time he could get with his family, though he almost doubted it. His impression of the man was less than favorable.

Barack opened the drawer with Bush's letter to him and examined the words. He didn't want to copy it, but considering they'd been technical opposites in politics, the friendliness Bush still had for Barack was something he wanted to have in the letter. He thought about some of the world leaders, peacemakers, and others he met who wanted to make a difference in the world. Those were the people he thought of for guidance as he started writing the first words on the page.

Four Years Later…

"Mr Obama, there's something we need you for," said Agent Johnson. Specifically Jimmy Johnson, but he preferred Agent Johnson when on the job. Barack sighed. Even after leaving office, there were some things he couldn't yet leave behind.

"Fine, but one of these days you'll have to find someone else to handle these things," said Barack. Agent Johnson nodded. Barack ventured to his and Michelle's shared room and pulled the knapsack from the closet. Michelle walked in and folded her arms.

"Barack… they cant keep sending you to do this. Even if you're healthy, eventually it's going to wear you out," said Michelle. Barack kissed her on the cheek.

"I know sweetheart, but this shouldn't take long. I made the brownies for Sasha like you asked, and both Bo and Sunny have been walked," said Barack. He started toward the front door. Michelle pulled him back to kiss him. She didn't follow him to watch him go. Barack knew how much she hated watching him leave like that. Especially for these missions. Barack followed Agent Johnson into the van and buckled in.

"Control, we're on our way," said Agent Johnson to his cell. He covered the microphone. "You should suit up sir."

Barack sighed and slipped to the back of the van and opened the knapsack. He changed from his casuals more something akin to combat gear. He strapped on the boots, and checked the elbow and knee pads. Joints weren't a joke. His time in office aged him, and no amount of healthcare could permanently end aging to old bones. He checked the staff he carried while it was collapsed. It still seemed sturdy. It needed to be too. The remainder in the knapsack was travel and survival gear, nothing out of the ordinary for a mission like this. He returned to his seat, careful to not get the staff to string as he buckled back in. Agent Johnson chuckled.

"I remember the first mission you took. Got yourself stuck in the van till we opened both doors," said Agent Johnson. Barack smiled. It felt so long ago that it happened. If he hadn't gone, the world would have taken a turn for far worse than the folks of the DNC and the GOP were thinking.

"So who am I meeting up with this time?" Barack asked. He'd had partners for these missions, usually someone who would otherwise be preoccupied with politics or other duties. There was a distinctive mission in his memory where his partner was the current Pope Francis, of course it was before he became the Pope. Then he was simply known as Jorge Bergoglio. That time was one of the most peaceful missions. Agent Johnson checked the file on the tablet.

"Sorry, Barack. Looks like you're with Neil this time," said Agent Johnson.

"Neil Patrick Harris?" Barack asked.

"No sir. As in Neil deGrasse Tyson," said Agent Johnson. Barack sighed. 

"Is Sakurai available?" Barack asked.

"He's on mandatory rest. He works himself too hard on smash. At least you know it'll be a quick mission," said Agent Johnson.

"Yeah. Quick because his heads up in space," muttered Barack. Neil was alright for the mist part. He was stellar even when it came to the cosmos, but with things he didn't know, that was a mess that twitter would be all to happy to drag him for. Barack might have joined in the dragging on an alt account.

"Almost to the access point. Good luck Barack," said Agent Johnson. The van stopped and Barack hopped out. It looked like the middle of nowhere, except the lone bus stop, which Neil deGrasse Tyson sat. Barack approached.

"Well, if it isn't the President," said Neil.

"Its been four years, Neil. I think that nickname doesn't really fit anymore," said Barack.

"It should," said Neil, rising from the bench. Seeing him without his usual suit was odd, but considering he took up the wizard class, wearing a suit wasn't as practical in case of a fight.

"Well, I want to get home to Michelle, so let's get this done," said Barack. He pulled the staff from his belt and extended it to its full length. He extended his hand and recited the incantation to make the transference. Neil joined him, albeit half-heartedly. Barack bumped Neil and he finally made the enthusiasm believable enough for the world to distort and shift. The village Barack had visited many times before formed and shaped into existence. The land around them changed. The only thing that remained the same was the bus stop.

“I was wondering if you were going to make it,” said Fred Rogers. The very Mr Rogers crossed over to the Realm on his death in the real world. Few people made this crossing. Steve Irwin and Bob Ross were here too, though Steve would spend more time in heaven with the animals he loved so dearly.

“Fred, it’s been too long. What’s happened?” Barack asked. Fred’s smile faltered a little.

“So much. Some little children crossed over last week,” said Fred. Barack looked to where Fred indicated. Children between the ages of 8-12, speaking a mix of arabic and english played soccer in the middle of the street with Jessie and James while Meowth watched as the referee. Barack remembered when the war in Syria started, and his heart sank.

“I’m sorry,” said Barack.

“They’ll forgive you. They’ll grow up here, and when it’s time, they’ll take the trip with Steve and Bob up to heaven to join their families,” said Fred. “But that’s not why we asked for you and Neil.”

“Well? What’s our assignment?” Neil asked.

“Come on, Fiona’s waiting,” said Fred. Fred led the way through the village up to the town hall. Along the way Barack and Neil were greeted by Jessica and Roger Rabbit, Mickey and Minnie, and Speedy Gonzalez, although Speedy was running an errand so his greeting was more of a blur. Fred pushed open the door to the town hall. It wasn’t much, and Fiona sat at the front desk waiting.

“Where’s Shrek?” Barack asked.

“That’s why you’re here. He went out on a guys night a week ago, but Donkey and Puss came back without him. They last saw him when they split at the fork,” said Fiona. Barack and Neil looked at each other.

“You want us to find him?” Neil asked. Barack wondered why they’d been called, usually this type of mission was managed by the inhabitants of the Realm.

“Why us?” Barack asked. Fiona beckoned them to follow. She led Barack and Neil to the map on the wall. The general size of the land mirrored that of the real world. Fiona pointed to the Dark Zone, mirrored at Washington DC.

“The last track Merlin had, Shrek was here. You’ve been to the Dark Zone before and made it out. We need someone who knows it well enough to bring Shrek back,” said Fiona.

“Sounds good, we’ll be able to handle it,” said Neil.

“It’s not that he got lost, Neil. And Shrek wouldn’t go near the Dark Zone without backup,” said Fiona. 

“Normally I’d go, but the children who cross over need me to be there when they’re ready to make the journey up,” said Fred.

Barack knew now where this mission was headed, and Agent Johnson was wrong. It wouldn’t be a short one. Jumping to the fictional plane in DC was practically suicide, even for those experienced. He barely made it out the last time he tried that. Fred would have been a valuable asset in the inevitable fight as the winner of the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. 

“Michelle’s not gonna be happy about this,” said Barack. “But we’ll go.” He looked over the map. At the present, they were in the mirrored equivalent of Illinois south of Chicago. They’d have to cross Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Maryland. At least six hundred miles over changing elevations, and no absolute roadways. 

“What’s wrong President?” Neil asked.

“President? I thought your term ended four years ago,” said Fiona

“No, Neil’s just in denial,” said Barack. “Have some class, Neil.”

“That election year used up a lot of meme magic,” said Fred. “The pools larger than ever, and Kek’s down south enjoying his personal paradise.”

“Neil, that means you have more to draw from,” said Fiona.

“Actually, Neil, if you teleport us, we might be able to get to just outside the Dark Zone,” said Barack.

“Didn’t you read my file, Barack? Space arcana is my specialty, but space warping is Hawking’s ability,” said Neil. “Was,” he corrected.

“Don’t worry about navigation,” said Fiona. “Fred, the codecs.”

“No way,” said Neil. Fred opened the cabinet and retrieved a box. He opened it. Inside were two pairs of glasses, and earpieces. Barack took his and put on the glasses and put in the earpiece matched to it. Neil did too.

“Glad Kojima was able to pitch in. Say why isn’t he coming along?” Barack asked.

“Don’t tell me it’s mandatory rest,” said Neil.

“No he’s working with Reedus on the west coast. He has a way of making things a little too real,” said Fred.

“There’s an off-roader you can use. It’s packed for any of your needs, and there’s a switch in case you need to escape to your side,” said Fiona.

“Thanks. I hope we don’t have to use it,” said Barack. “Let’s go Neil. I’d like to get back to Michelle as soon as possible.”

“Good luck you two,” said Fred.

“Thank you, Fred. Always good to see you,” said Barack, shaking his hand. He and Neil exited the town hall and went around back. The off-roader was marked with the keys on the hood. Barack picked them up and took the drivers seat. Neil hopped in.

“I get to drive next,” said Neil.

“Neil, just so you know, you need to pay attention to the road, and don’t get distracted talking. I know you have a habit of that,” said Barack.

“It’s important to share knowledge,” said Neil.

“It’s also important to focus. The Dark Zone is unpleasant, dangerous, and a misstep can kill you,” said Barack.

“Why did you go there?” Neil asked. Barack started the vehicle and drove east, toward the Dark Zone on the dirt roads.

“There were cracks between planes. I was tasked with getting some kids out when they fell through, I managed to fix the crack then,” said Barack.

“Who with?” Neil asked.

“Lady Gaga,” said Barack.

“Get out,” said Neil.

“I’m serious,” said Barack. “Stefani’s powers work better in the Dark Zone. When there’s a contrast, they’re stronger. Some kind of glamour bard thing.”

Neil snorted, “Glamour bard.”

“Best way to put it. So how did you get an assignment in the Dark Zone?” Barack asked. Neil’s pleased expression made Barack instantly regret asking. He mentally braced for a very, very, long and embellished story.

“It started when I partnered with Bill Nye…”

Definitely a long story.


End file.
